Today's View of Capitalism is a Joke

In traditional capitalism, you have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

In American capitalism you have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

In French capitalism you have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

In Italian capitalism you have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

In Real capitalism you don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral.

In Enron Capitalism you have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

In Californian Capitalism you have two cows. They are happy.

In Arkansas capitalism you have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.